The Guilt Factor

Everyone says the worst part about motherhood is the guilt. You always feel guilty - you can't spend enough time with them, you can't give them everything they want, you can't protect them from everything all the time.



I all ready feel guilty.



I know there are lots of things I could/should be doing to prepare for baby, but I just don't feel like doing them, or I don't know where to start. Weekends are the worst. I should be doing something. I should be doing more. But what? I really don't know.



On top of that it seems like daily I am finding out things that I should not be doing, which I have been doing for the past 4.5 months. I'm failing at motherhood and I haven't even really started yet. How is that possible??



Guilt for me is not new. I tend to feel guilty about lots of things on a regular basis, so this baby is only going to heighten my all ready large neurosis. Yep, I've got problems and they're only going to get worse. Thanks a lot baby.

The only thing keeping me going is that those girls on 16 and Pregnant seem to be decent mothers, so I can't possibly fail. Can I?

Either Or

Either, I ate WAY TOO MANY Miss Vicky's chips last night, or I have officially "popped".
I LOOK pregnant today. Pregnant, not just putting on a tummy, thank you very much Doris.

I may start taking progress photos now. Before it seemed silly to take pictures of my fat tummy.

I may also have to consider naming the kid Vicky given the amount of chips I've eaten this month.

Putting on a tummy

One of the 8o+ year old volunteers at work yesterday waited until I left and then asked my coworker if I was just getting fat or if something else was going on with me. Apparently, according to Doris I'm not usually one to "put on a tummy." Ummm okay thanks, I guess.
Lovely. I'm only 17 weeks, so the comments about my size can only get worse from here. Sigh....

One a happy note, we pick up and assembled out crib yesterday. It looks so great! Very happy with it. I will be posting pictures of the nursery when it is completed. That will be a while. Stay tuned!

I'm still alive

And feeling more human than I have in many months. Not perfect. But better. I haven't thrown up in a few weeks which is awesome! My main complaint now is the acne. I have the acne of a 14 year old. I'm not impressed.

In other news, we've painted the nursery and ordered a crib which is big progress. Photos will be posted when it is complete.

On the Beagle front we've been dealing with George and a mystery illness for the past few months. Not only is it frustrating and worrisome, it's exhausting! He's been up all night with a sick tummy and other delightful symptoms. Good news is we've finally figured out that he has worms. Again. This is both good and bad news. At least now we can treat him with the medicine he needs and hopefully eventually they will be eradicated. Fingers crossed.

I'm starting to look more pregnant now and not just fat so that's exciting. I'm also feeling some streatching and aches and pains now too. Can't wait to feel the first kick or movement from the little fella.

Next ultrasound scheduled for May 9.

Frustrating

I'm feeling very down today. I have a headache, I'm tired and just generally feel crappy. I am really tired of feeling this way. When will I feel normal again?

I'm watching a 16 and Pregnant marathon on MTV maybe that will make me feel better about myself.